Defending a Precious Heart

Most of us don’t realize how much of an impact betrayal has had on us. We may just think we have trust issues or went through something hard but we don’t fully see how it impacts our day to day nervous system functioning.

Almost everyone I have been talking to about it shares one important thing. They all felt minimized by the betrayal. Almost no one had the kind of acknowledgement they would have found so healing.

Making sense of life after we lose someone close to us is maddening, stack betrayal on top of the loss and it is too much. Many of us short circuit and shut down. I get so sad when I see how people tuck away their precious hearts. That is not the kind of world I want to live in and I don’t think it’s the kind of world you want to live in either.

It’s genuinely not enough to just open your heart and be more loving. If you have been burned repeatedly, why in the world would you continue to open yourself to just be burned again. This is a reality that we need to acknowledge. We can’t just pretend that everyone is safe and try to comfort ourselves thinking that everyone is doing the best they can.

Real growth after betrayal looks like elevating your boundary game and allying with your self protective responses so that you can see the truth of where others are, understand their capacity and appropriately defend your precious heart. Once your defenses are more fully in place, your boundaries are more solid, the heart can feel safe enough to open again and shine way more brightly.

This is not some trivial, superficial work. This is very significant for the course of our life. Do we meet pain and suffering by collapsing or do we strive to make this world better.

My guiding intention with building my whole online presence is to do my part in making this world a safer more loving place so that the next generations don’t have to go through the same kind of awakening by fire that I did. I don’t claim to have all the answers at all or think that I can do it alone. That is why I want to encourage you to do the work. Make your world, your community a more loving place. Not just through my course but through whatever path is calling you.

Life can go by so quickly but looking back on it doesn’t need to be charged with pain and regret. We can reclaim our power and in doing so empower others.

My thought for you is to start working outside of just your thinking mind. When you work on a nervous system level you can actually complete the patterns you are stuck in.

Best I can tell about a third of people are like you and me. They genuinely want to do good. If they see someone struggling they want to help.

Another third of people are too young, too old, too sick, too preoccupied with making sure their needs are met to really be a kind loving presence in the world.

Then the last third is perhaps a different kind of person, you could say that they are too preoccupied with themself or too sick, in a way, to really care, but the difference in this third is that they may genuinely believe that the world is a hard place and they need to put others down to elevate themself.